I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My breath smells like gin and sadness
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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