This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
