would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
