Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
