Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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