Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
