So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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