how do flat chested girls get laid?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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