these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
