If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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