it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
