Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
