I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The air taste purple.
Randomize
