Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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