omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
