Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
