Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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