I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize