After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
