I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize