i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
