im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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