You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
