So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I party with great urgency now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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