She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
