Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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