Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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