are you still at the devil's house?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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