I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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