Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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