i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
