Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
