So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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