Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
