In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
