I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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