it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
