I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
