yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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