Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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