I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
