NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize