dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
