yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
