her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize