i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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