remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
