I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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