the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
