They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
