i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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