I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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