Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
