omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
