can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
