At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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