We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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