K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
