she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
