I don't usually arrange sex via text message
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize