everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
