so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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