he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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