I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize