its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
