I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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