'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
No subtext here. People are naked.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
