Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
