what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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