and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
