I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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