I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Found the puke drawer
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
