we'll go far in life on tits alone.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
