u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
