I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
