I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
