and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have fence marks all over my body
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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