I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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