just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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