Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
