oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
