I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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