I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
