So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think i have two assholes
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
