yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
