At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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