Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude i'm inner monologue high
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize