grandma shit on top of the toilet
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
