I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
