Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
