I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
