my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
