I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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