whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
