I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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