her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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